In every complaint there is a success. The success is having had the resources, competence, or luck to arrive at a place in which this is your biggest problem, rather than something more sinister.
“God, it’ll take all night to finish this paper” is a statement that commonly assumes:
1) That you can finish the paper in a night
2) That the paper thus finished will be adequate
3) That there is nothing more pressing than finishing this paper
If all those are true, then you have 3 impressive successes that this complaint relies on. Something to reflect happily on as you get the 3rd cup of coffee.
The order complaints come up can be telling and I often use it to rate business ideas. Nearly any business idea I float to friends results in one of the following phrases:
1) “Customers won’t use it”
2) “We can’t build it”
3) “It won’t make money”
4) “Some people will dislike it”
5) “It wouldn’t really help the world”
6) “Something else would help the world more”
Interestingly, I think people start from the top of that list and then reply with the first complaint that seems valid. This means I can instantly know that if a friend says “It won’t make money,” then the friend things it will be buildable and usable! I also find this a handy way to rank business ideas with the higher numbers being better for the world.
For example: dreamers just satisfy level 1 and struggling businesses satisfy level 2. Payday loan companies satisfy level 3 but fall victim to 4. Many businesses are happy teetering on level 4: making money with few detractors. Google purports to “Do No Evil” and satisfy level 5. Social entrepreneurs try to satisfy level 6 and beat all the complaints.
Current, pressing complaints are what most people focus on. It is somehow easy to forget about having overcome all one’s previous hardships. However, there are two kinds of people that I have noticed don’t forget: happy people and entrepreneurs. I have noticed that any person who is generally happy often has a painful complaint in the past that they are now safe from. Whenever they get down, they remind themselves of this stark contrast and are positive again. I’ve also seen a seemingly-hypocritical way that successful entrepreneurs can be satisfied with little yet desirous of more at the same time. They freely shift between deriving peace from the complaints of the past they’ve beaten and getting worked up over complaints about “how much better” something could be and striving for it. It would seem that a focus on both of these issues would provide a centering calm and I think for many an old soul it does, but successful entrepreneurs freely switch between them, mixing calm and excitement to their taste.
What hierarchies of complaints have you experienced? Are there any successes hiding within your complaints?
Wow. Truly excellent post. Not sure I can define such fixed hierarchies, but I love the perspective implied in the thought “how lucky am I that I get to worry about this?” And I think there’s something deep in the thought that productive entrepreneurs are balancing satisfaction with past success with desire for future success. Hopefully (1) people will use it.
I’ll try to be one of them.
Love it.
I think that this ability to see the implied successes in any complaint is the key to being consistently in a good mood. I’ve been using a related mental hack on myself for years. Whenever something bad happens, I’ll immediately think about all the other things in my life that are going right. If I’m really in a funk I’ll focus on my breath and the undeniable pleasure of being alive. Makes it hard to stay in a bad mood for long.
Thanks for the comments Owen and Jordy.
I definitely agree that it’s not a fixed hierarchy or order of complaints. Even Maslow’s hierarchy isn’t fixed, some will take meaning over food/life, but it’s more common than the one I outline. Balancing what I call “infinite justifiers” is very important to high productivity. Any of these arguments can be taken much farther and be overwhelmingly motivating or stalling, finding the balence is key.
Jordy, that is a great hack and of the type I think every successful entrepreneur uses constantly. Having a mental device to get out of the crushing feeling of failure inherent in the ups and downs of leading a business is the only way to stay sane I’ve seen.
Ha! Too funny. Good insight but I’d have to say that people would have to be consistent in their points of view and emotional state to make this a reliable system.
I think people blurt out whatever suits their mental state at the time. Try asking tipsy people about ideas vs people that are very busy in the mornings.